May 08, 2009

Protecting Lauren from Lawyers

Supposedly in a break from her celebrated career as a supermodel war veteren, Lauren sent me an email asking:

"if some guy was getting 'all up in my business' would you come and defend me?"

to which I replied that I didn't know what the crap she was talking about. I began to wonder if this was something that needed rectifying immediately: was there some auditor rifling through her tax returns as she emailed me in need of defence?

You'd have to wonder how an early robot would get by if it had to work in the slummiest streets of, say, Philidelphia. Or Manchester. It would probably have the entire Oxford Dictionary on Whosits and Whatnows, but would stil struggle to understand everyday chatter in these slang-heavy communities. It would probably be accused of 'tripping', if such accusations still occur, and how would it interpret such a claim? Would it return to the manufacturer to demand its stability sensors be upgraded?

Of course, this robot doesn't exist. And thank goodness, because as we all know, robots are designed only to enslave and harvest humanity despite what Robin Williams might tell you. Even without leaving our homes we have to suffer the inane 1337 speak, which (thank 6od) now only seems to be used to mock, rather than function as a language.

Anyway, my point is that the new world language should be Japanese, because you cannot leet up Kanji, they only have a certain number of useable syllables to bollocks up and their grammar is so simple it might as well be slang anyway.

P.S. What was 'phat' all about? Seriously, what was it all about?


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